im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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