Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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