Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
