2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
