i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
