we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
