Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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