I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
