Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
