Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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