I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
