I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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