get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize