how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
