What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
