note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two words...techno handjob
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Terrible idea I love it
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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