Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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