forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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