Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize