At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
