i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
