this beer tastes like vomit already
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
