Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
