you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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