for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
