my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
