I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
