I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize