I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
