i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
