I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
