he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
