Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I did not marry a roomba.
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