I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
