bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
vagina is talking i cant
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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