Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize