"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
