This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
