My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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