1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
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I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
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She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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