i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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