we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
