We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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