i just google imaged poop.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
