apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
