I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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