i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
