I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
