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He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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