let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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