ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
