He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
