i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
