sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize