I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
