Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
