I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
