I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize