He asked to "fluff my boner.."
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
