peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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