I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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