He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
