His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
