So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
