Little spoons don't ask big questions
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
