Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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