Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
