i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Fuck appropriateness.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize